'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
