I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
