i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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