turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
