You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
