the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
