i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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