I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
