if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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