Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
