I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
