took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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