So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
