it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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