FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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