i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
