Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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