Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
