What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
