bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
