Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
