I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize