He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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