She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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