I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Alive.
So much puke
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
