I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
