We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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