omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
