I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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