your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
