I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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