How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
