I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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