Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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