Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
