Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize