from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
