We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
