I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
