But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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