I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Come see our sink grown plant.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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