he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
