This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
