Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
