great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
