I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
