i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
