Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize