If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
