you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
