Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
