woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
