i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
