You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
