I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
