the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
