There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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