Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize