So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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