I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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