$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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