there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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