And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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