With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
