When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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