I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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