there's paper in my vomit.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The ass gains better be worth it
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