smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
her vagine was all disorganized.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
