I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could fuck to npr.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
