Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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