...so i touched it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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