So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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