I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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