you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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