I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
