office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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