Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
