This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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