dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
