got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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