atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
