At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
