I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize