My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
