I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have feelings that need drinking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
