I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
zippers are such a cool invention
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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