evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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