She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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