I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
