I just saw a hot homeless man
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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