I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
