I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
