sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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