chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
