so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
